I'm already 26.

Damn I'm scared.

Birthday Blues

Birthday coming up soon. Somehow that doesn't seem to be an occasion for celebration. I just commented to Mom that we must the only ones who pass their birthdays this way. Unlike others, we give treats on our birthdays. And she just replied that it's because I don't have many friends. Yes, I don't, and that's a fact.

And best of all, my cousin is going to drive her new car to my birthday. My ego is going to take a damper then a beating. Comparisons will be made. She's only a few months younger than and she earns more, has a wider social circle, is streetwise, and has loads of men at her tail. I feel sooooo useful already.

That doesn't feel altogether easy to swallow given the fact that I have an honours degree and has NS under my belt. By Singaporean standards I should be given top grade for remuneration. Suddenly (or rather, all along) I feel like a loser.

Okay, maybe this isn't about my birthday after all. But I'll be turning 26 and this is the time in the family to count your achievements (or lack thereof). Sigh...

Maybe when I took my honours I should have been prepared to enter the civil service. Any service. At least I would considered "middle class", "bourgeois", or as Kiyosaki would call it, "accredited". Alas, I'm none of that. The only consolation I have is that I have only been working for slightly more than a year. Maybe I should really have become a teacher, like tons of history students before me. Just close my eyes & endure for 4 years, deprive myself, & I'll have some money should I decide to switch jobs.

But maybe by then, I would have thought why give up on such a good-paying job? And so continue to slog for another 4 years, and before you know it, I'll be 45 and still in the position I first got into, albeit with a bit more money. I shudder at the thought. By then, even if I want to switch careers it would be near impossible.

Life (and birthdays). It's a daunting aspect.